Wordless Wednesday: MollyKate

A Lesson In Patience

Recently, a friend of mine posted about a sweet little girl, named Baby K, that was in need of a home. (You can read about her here). It pains me to even write those words...to know that there is a baby out there that does not have a Mama to cry for. When she cries, she has no idea who will come to comfort her. This sweet baby has a lot of obstacles in front of her, but her first is to find a family that will love her and walk her journey with her.

When I first saw the post, I immediately called Daniel and told him all about her. He listened...and that was all. I was left feeling a bit defeated but decided I needed to pray for Baby K and know that she was God's child first, and He is and will be in control of what happens to her.

You see, adoption has always been near and dear to my heart. I have gone to an orphanage in Guatemala several times and have always had dreams of bringing home an international baby. And then God slowly started putting people in my life that have adopted from America. At the time I did not even notice this...it did not even register with me. I have had to opportunity to speak to and get to know these families and their sweet children. And my heart had begun to change....

A few weeks went by and Lindsay again posted about Baby K. She still did not have a family. So again I called Daniel to tell him. This time, there were questions. "What exactly will her challenges be? How old is she?" He gave me to go ahead to email the adoption agency and tell them about our family. My friend Cari and I prayed for 2 days. And then the email came back....


"We are only considering families in the Midwest for now. We will let you know if something changes."

I was a bit sad...but it had never occurred to me to even ask where she is located. While it is not the outcome really wanted, there was still a lesson in all of this for me. I think the Lord was asking me to step out of my comfort zone in faith and trust Him. It was scary to send that email! This showed me that He has been working on Daniel's heart about adoption...which is an answer to my prayers. I have always said that God would not put a desire in my heart and then have me marry someone who did not share that with me. God used this as an opportunity to show Daniel and I some areas we need to work in so that we will be ready when the day does come to be the very best parents we can be for our next child. I am learning more every day to be patient....to wait on God. Wait Megan....it is not always time to take a plunge into the next thing. Sometimes it is better to wait by the side of the water and wait for it to warm up until it is just right to jump in!

Weekend Wrap Up

It was a quiet weekend! Aubrey went to visit her mother, so it was just the 3 of us. Daniel had to work late Friday night and then do a few things with his brother so I went to grab Mexican for dinner with my parents. I LOVE Mexican! I ran into some friends from high school there which was nice. They were filling up before heading out for a bachelor party. Everyone is growing up! It is still kind of weird to me in a way....

Saturday we woke up early (not that we really have a choice these days with a busy toddler) and headed to breakfast. I had a lazy afternoon of cleaning up and catching up on some reading. My girlfriend and I are reading Unglued right now and it is awesome! I recommend it if you are looking for a new book. After I put MollyKate down for the night, I went next door for some girl time with Gina. I love my sweet friendship with her. Since I have no mother-in-law to speak of, Gina has adopted me. I love her advice-she is from the North and lets me know when I need to be a little less Southern and sweet and stronger. She would be there for me in a second if I ever needed her and I love her for that.

Sunday we went to Elevation and then had another lazy afternoon. We watched football, went to get coffee, took MK to the neighborhood park and went to bed early. Sometimes you really just need a weekend to regroup. With the holidays coming up, I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with everything we have going on.

Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend!

New Adventures

My husband Daniel is such a hard worker. He has been with Food Lion for over 10 years. It is the first and only job he has ever had, besides owning his own landscaping business. Food Lion is all he has ever really known. It is the family business so to speak, since so many in his family work for the company, or have at some point. Food Lion is comfortable for him, yet he has been so unhappy there. I mean....miserable. It came to a point where I could see the dread on his face and it was affecting his entire demeanor. Yet like so many of us become in life, he was comfortable yet miserable.

Ponder that one for a moment....

I have always believed in Daniel. I have encouraged him to break out of the mold and try something new. There have been opportunities that have come and gone and I will be honest...I was frustrated that he didn't go after them.

And then THIS opportunity came along....

and God got involved. He forced Daniel to move. Daniel had no choice but to interview and he got the job! (Of course he did...I always knew he could...if he would try! And I am always right ;)

So I can now officially announce that Daniel has a new CAREER! No more job....this is a career for him. He is going to be awesome at what he is doing and I am so very proud of him. He works so hard to provide for this family and for me to be able to stay home with the girls and for that I am so thankful. Please pray for him as he starts this new and exciting adventure for our family!

Weekend Wrap Up

This weekend was nothing too eventful but full of good family time. Friday night we got a sitter (woohoo!) and went out to celebrate my hubby's new job. (Read about that here if you haven't already). My husband lived a sheltered life from a lot of restaurants before he met me, so I wanted to take him somewhere nice. We decided on Cheesecake Factory and took our sweet neighbors, the Meeks, with us. We LOVE them so it made the night that much better. Daniel loved it and I can't even tell you what kind of cheesecake he ordered because it was gone in literally 3 bites. 

The majority of Saturday was spent on the soccer field for Aubrey's last tournament. She did so well and I finally got some action shots! Some of our other sweet neighbors came to cheer her on. It is so nice to be surrounded by people who love us. We are very blessed.  MollyKate came down with a stomach bug Saturday night which meant a trip to GiGi's house because this mommy cannot handle vomit. At all.

Sunday we went to Elevation and then relaxed the rest of the afternoon. It is so nice to Daniel now has a job where he is home on the weekends. His brother came over and spent some time with us which is always nice too.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend too!

Fall Family Pics

My sweet friend Kara is such a talented photographer. I honestly think she doesn't realize just how good she is....if she did she would probably charge me more ;) She has done my maternity pictures, baby shower, MollyKate's baby pictures, her 1st Birthday, and our most recent girly shoot. We also had her do some family photos for our Christmas card which turned out great. Originally I planned to use our pregnancy announcement as our Christmas card, but now we won't be doing that after all. You can read about that here.

Here are some of the pictures she took of our sassy girl....

And our other sweet baby, Aubrey...

Sisterly love....

And what would have been our Christmas card....because they are good pictures so I may as well share them, right?

Trying New Things

I have been all about finding ways to save money lately. I scoured Pinterest and came across plenty of tips...some not so reasonable. For example, I have been searching for weeks for ground beef that is $1/lb because some woman on a money saving blog says she only buys meat when it is this cheap. After weeks of searching, my mom finally let me know that I will NEVER eat meat if that is the price I plan to buy it at! Some of these woman make their own soap, laundry detergent, make their own clothes, and grow all their own produce. That all sounds just wonderful....and totally beyond my scope of homemaking. I did find however, that a lot of these women make their own bread. How hard can that be?

I called my mom and asked to borrow her bread maker that I remember from my childhood. I brought it home and dusted it off, poured in all my ingredients, and set the timer. After about 2 hours the house started smelling FAB! My inner fat girl was going crazy. The timer finally went off and.....um....there was flour still sitting there. And the yeast was on top of that. Nothing had mixed together. I took out the canister and realized that I had not pushed the canister all the way in to begin with. None of the ingredients mixed...total fail.

Long story short I dumped it all out and tried again and it turned out great! I only have done the basic white bread so far, but I have found recipes for cinnamon raisin and another for how to make bread bowls for soup. I will let ya'll know how those turn out!

Weekend Wrap Up

This weekend was a very slow in which was warmly welcomed after the crazy week that we've had. Aubrey was visiting her mom this weekend so it was just the three of us. I spent most of the day Friday cleaning and catching up on laundry while Daniel was at work. Friday night MollyKate and I joined my parents at Moe's BBQ.  It is in the old Pure Taqueria building in downtown Matthews. If you have not been you must try it! I had the wings and accompanied it with mac and cheese, collard greens, and jalapeño cornbread. Yum! We spend the rest of the evening catching up with Daniels brother he has been staying with us some. It has been really nice making up for lost time with him. For those of you who know that story, do you know that this is an answer to prayer.

 

Saturday we spent most of the day working at "the flipper". My parents have bought a house to flip and we have been working day and night to get it done. (Well, maybe not me as much since I have the kids... That definitely everyone else).  My parents took MollyKate to dinner so that Daniel and I could have some alone time. We got Texas Roadhouse to go and sat down together to eat in peace and quiet. I cannot remember the last time that happened.

 

MollyKate came home and I guess because of not having a nap all day, she was overly tired. What was supposed to be me and Daniels movie night, turned into me and Daniel and MollyKate's movie night. We just had to laugh it off because that is just life with kids.

 

Sunday we had family dinner with my parents like we always do, and then went to Costco to buy a few things. Pretty exciting huh? I did get to try out some new recipes this weekend that I will share in my next post.

 

Hope everyone else had a great fall weekend!

Empty Hands

It has been a week of emotional highs and lows here in the Milsap house. Aubrey spent her first weekend away from us, which was approached with tears and lots of hugs...not to mention Internet research on "how to make visitation easier". We let her take her 2 favorite stuffed animals, which she requested spraying with my perfume, and a few family pictures. She said she had an "kind of fun time but I really missed my home and my family so I was ready to come back." The timing really could not have worked out better though....because little did I know when we sent her off on Thursday morning, what was about to happen over the weekend.

Let me backtrack a bit....

Last Saturday, Daniel took the girls to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast to give me some much needed Mommy sanity time. I had been feeling a little off and since Daniel had been using the "not trying but not not trying approach to"...ahem....things....here lately, I thought maybe I should just take a test a see. At that moment, I kid you not, the song "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" began playing in my head. I was floored, literally, when the results said PREGNANT.  I fell to my knees weeping. What a more perfect time than this to find out we were expecting than the day after we finally landed primary custody of our sweet Aubrey?! I spent a few moments praising the Lord and then started running laps around my room. I called my sweet grandma-in-law to share the news and she wept with me as we talked about not only the timing now, but how different it felt this time, now that Daniel and I are married. I truly felt like this was my reward for being faithful for the past almost 2 years through the trials we have been through as a family.

We had family photos the next day (because I am determined to send out our Christmas card this year BEFORE Christmas actually arrives). I got the idea from my friend to write on a chalkboard "Arriving June 2014" and hand it to Daniel during the shoot. This way I would have a picture of me sharing the news with him. It worked out wonderfully, although my husband's initial guess as to what was "arriving" was some type of furniture. Gotta love men! We captured some great pictures as a family sharing this moment.

Thursday came and after we dropped Aubrey off, I took MollyKate and her friend Cooper for a run. A few hours later I began what ended up being a miscarriage. I never thought I would say those words about my own life. You hear about others experiencing the loss of their unborn baby, but you never think it will happen to you. At least I didn't. But here now we sit, as I just took another test which read the dreaded words "Not Pregnant" and it is finally sinking in.

Initially, in between the tears and confusion, I was angry with the Lord. I wanted to run those same laps around my room that I ran a few days ago, but this time screaming and shouting and stomping my feet. I forced myself to go to church Sunday although I was sure I would get nothing out of it because I was still throwing my fit on the inside about how unfair this is. I told one of my girlfriends "I just do not understand why my blessing would be ripped from my hands" and all I could envision were my two empty hands.

And then as we were singing "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" in church on Sunday (and I was saying "really Lord? I feel like we are rubbing it in here") He began speaking to me. He once again softened my heart and began to show me the beginnings of the lesson for me in this. While I feel like my baby was taken from me, I now have empty hands to pick up the two I do have and love them even more. I am complaining about losing my #3 when others are not even able to have their #1. I have empty hands to worship the Lord for every blessing that I DO have. My hands have been left empty to love my husband even harder, to pick up my Bible and read it more, to serve more than I do now. And while I am sure this is not the end of my tears, I am comforted in knowing that I do serve a God who loves me enough to wait while I throw my temper tantrum and then once again opens my heart and shows me that He loves me enough to teach me through this.

I'm Back

In light on all of the impending custody hearing drama, I had to shut down my blog for a bit. Some things were posted about my blog and in an effort to try to rise above the drama, I made myself private for a while until the storms blew over. I find it flattering I suppose, that people are that interested in what I have to say.

Over the past 2 months, the Lord has really spoken to me about this outlet however. I know the Lord blessed me with an ability to write. I have been told that many a time. I have had people approach me when I have been out to eat that said "Hey I read your blog and I love it!" That is so humbling to me! That anyone would take the time to read anything I have to say is so dear to my heart. It has really been on my heart to start writing again. While I was browsing Beth Moore's site the other day, I saw where she Tweeted something recently. It said, "In Christ, you are enormously gifted. You have an unseen enemy who is after that gift. 2 Tim. 1:14 says to protect that good thing entrusted to you." I feel like this was God speaking directly to me and so in a step of faith and obedience, I am back! I know the Lord will protect me from the negativity. If anyone has something negative to say, have at it! Jesus was persecuted, and so if me writing about His goodness in my life brings about the same to me, then so be it.

At His Feet

Whew! Summertime sure puts life into a tailspin. We have been non-stop since school let out. We've already been to the beach 3 times, the pool more times than I would even like to recall, playdates, park, treasure hunts, library, and done so many Pinterest crafts that my file cabinet is running out of room (but THANK YOU LORD, and I mean that sincerely, for Pinterest!). Aubrey is on her last day of VBS for this week and now that MollyKate walks, I never, ever get to sit for a moment. Only at nap time, which is strangely becoming shorter and shorter each day. I try so hard to get up every day to do my quiet times because Lord knows, I need it. As Beth Moore says, "I am a soul that is destined to wander".

Lately all of my quiet times have been focused on remaining faithful through the trials. In the front of my Bible there is a list that has slowly been compiling under the heading "Trusting God Through The Hard Times". You see, if you know us and our family dynamic, it is not an easy one. It could be, but it is not. I will save that post for a rainy day though.

I recently was venting to a friend. My husband and I were not invited to his sister's wedding. Since we weren't, we thought we would still send a nice gesture to her to congratulate her on her big day. We asked Aubrey what she thought we should do: send a gift from her wedding registry, or send a bouquet of flowers. Aubrey picked the later, and we sent her a nice arrangement. Who doesn't love to get flowers? Even the ad said "Sure to put a smile on the face of the person who receives these!" Well, let's just say it was not received the way we had hoped. It actually was not even received with a thank you. I will always know in my heart though that it was send with the right intentions, and the Lord knows that too. As a result of this and another gesture that was twisted and used against me, I called my sweet friend Cari. As we talked she told me that yes, Daniel and I are suffering, but that we needed to think about the bigger picture here. Maybe this trial is not about us. Maybe we are going through it, and yes we can learn from it, but perhaps it is God working on and in someone else here. Maybe we are being used in this situation but that this is a trial that will bring someone else closer to Him.

When I hung up the phone, I went to bed dwelling on her words. She was right. How often do we stomp our feet and cry out to the Lord asking Him to take us out of this or that when it is not about us anyways! How many people in the Bible suffered so that we now, years later, can look at their life and learn from it. We can look at the life of Job and see what incredible faith he had. We can see where the disciples suffered but stood firm. We learn from these amazing characters. It was not about them! It was about God using THEM to be able to teach US. What a change in perspective that has given me. Sometimes we go through trials so that yes, we can grow, but more importantly so that others can look upon us and see how amazing God is when He works for us!

Upcoming Easter

As Easter is approaching, I've been doing a lot of reflecting into my own life. I was raised in a Christian home, going to church every Sunday, and always knowing the Easter story. Jesus loved us so much that He came and died for us...as while I grasped that idea, it was not until I became a mom that I truly understand.

My two daughters mean the absolute WORLD to me. Saying that I love them does not even touch how I feel about them. There is nothing I would not do for either one. When they hurt, my heart aches. When they are happy, I am full of joy. They make me beam with pride. I get giddy over them....and my eyes fill with tears at least once a day when they do something that reminds me just how blessed I am that they call me "Mom". And one day when someone is mean to them I am sure I will want to handle the situation for them and Lord help the boy that ever breaks their heart. I would jump in front a bullet for either of them without even thinking about it.

It's these emotions that help me to truly understand how much Jesus loves us. He KNEW I would hurt him over and over again and yet He still endured pain and suffering and death so that He could forgive me when I hurt Him. That kind of love is incomprehendable yet so familiar. It's exactly how I feel for my children. Yet it humbles me even more than ever before about what Christ has done for me.

Thank you Lord for loving me-despite my imperfections, my selfishness, my pride, my sinfulness....and may I always be the best example I can be to my girls of Hour love for us....

It's Time....

So much has happened in the past year. I really cannot even organize my thoughts and think of where to begin. I have been afraid to share my story for so long, but it is not my story to tell. It is the testimony my precious Father has given me to tell. I know that all I have experienced is for one thing: His glory. I do not deserve this testimony. My past is ugly. I did it to myself. I made choices that went against every fiber of how I was raised. And even now, as I struggle daily to keep my eyes focused on Him, I fail. Again and again. I have a merciful, forgiving, faithful Father that is full of abundant grace. He is constantly having to heap grace upon me, day after day after day. I could write a book on my past and how I have been redeemed, but I will start from this past year and save the past for another time. I feel the Lord has told me it is ok to share this now. If it hurts or offends to read my words, I apologize in advance. This is my testimony to share, and if you are anyone who has been involved in all of this and you’re reading this, I am sure you can point out my many flaws and failures. That is in my Savior’s hands. Like I said, He heaps grace on my head daily. 70x7. Thank you Jesus.

Daniel and I went to high school together. We actually grew up going to Hickory Grove Baptist together, but I do not have memories of him from there. Only of his sister. I remember Daniel from high school, as he was a year younger than me. He was the opposite of me. Class clown, slacker (he would tell you this too!), wasn’t involved in anything at school. I on the other hand was in different clubs and activities, softball team, quiet, teacher’s pet-if I liked the teacher. I remember he would always wear a pen behind his ear and that was the extent of my memories of him. I went on to college to play on a scholarship, while he started his career. I dated a lot, trying to figure out what I wanted in a man. I had my own apartment and a good job. I was wild and crazy and did not live for the Lord. I had bursts in there of mission trips to Guatemala and living for the Lord, but satan and sin so easily entangles us at times. Meanwhile, Daniel married and had a baby girl, Aubrey. It didn’t work out for Daniel and Aubrey’s mom and they soon after parted ways. I am thankful that the Lord protected Aubrey from many scars and hurt by not really ever knowing her parents together.

Daniel and I met and quickly fell in love. I adored Aubrey from the moment I met her. She is so precious, charming, outgoing, loving, spunky, and smart. There is nothing to not love about that child. People did not like how quickly I came into her life, but it happened. Things were said to her about me to try to drive her away from liking me. A fear of me was instilled into her by things said to her. It was heartbreaking. A sweet little girl went from loving me to fearing me, and I did nothing but love her. It hurt. I kept loving her every change I got, until all chances were taken away from me. We no longer were allowed to have her for overnight visits and I did not see Aubrey for 5 months. I cried for her. Daniel and I continued our relationship and married 9 months after our first time catching up.

Christmas Day 2011 was a bittersweet day. No one will ever be able to take the joyful thoughts of my wedding day from me, but we will always have sad memories of that day as well. Maybe this brings pleasure to others. I am not sure. Daniel was to have Aubrey that day. It was his turn. He waited anxiously to go pick his sweet daughter up. I had her fancy new dress and flower girl basket laid out, a pretty clip for her hair and new shoes were waiting. The curling iron was on and ready to fluff up her already beautiful natural curls. Her place was set at the table. The excitement was all crushed when Daniel returned home, empty handed, and fell to the floor weeping as my Dad caught him. As I broke the rule not to see your husband on your wedding day before the ceremony, I comforted him. I cannot tell you how long he cried. Time stood still. Our guests arrived as we wiped his tears. The day went on, and we had a beautiful wedding with my family and friends. We celebrated in Blowing Rock the following few days and then sometime in the week after New Years, we were allowed to have Aubrey for a few hours to open gifts.

Time continued to pass. Daniel would drive 40 minutes to go visit Aubrey at daycare, as this was all he was allowed. He would take her for a quick trip to Chick-Fil-A sometimes, other times he would just enjoy a few moments with her there at daycare. I remember helping him make a bag for Valentine’s Day full of sweet little gifts for Aubrey and a big card. I heard she liked it. This sweet little girl evoked a lot of emotion from quite a few people. I was yelled at, called names, and spoken to in unfathomable ways. I admit, I was not innocent. I did react. I fired back when attacked. I have prayed for forgiveness for this many times. Thank you Lord for Your grace.

Signing our marriage certificate

 

After our wedding

Our getaway car, decorated by my parents

On our honeymoon

Late Christmas with his girl

New Year Resolutions

One of my main New Years resolutions was to do a better job at consistently blogging. Too many people have told me they enjoy reading what I write, which is beyond humbling. I want to use this blog as an outlet to discuss what is going on in my life and to get feedback from anyone who may read it and may have some insightful advice. And that's that.

So to update you on what has been going on since the last time I blogged....

-Daniel and I just celebrated our first anniversary. It was on Christmas Day, so besides a sweet hug and kiss, we were really too busy with the kids to get to celebrate too much. This was the first Christmas that Daniel had Aubrey, his daughter, for Christmas morning so we did it up big. It was also our daughter, MollyKate, first Christmas, which made the day very special. We did order a cake from the same bakery that did our wedding cake and shared that with my family and some friends. I am just humbled that he and I made it through this year so that gift in itself was enough for me. But more about that later....

-MollyKate is just shy of turning 7 months. Where has time gone? My baby cut her first tooth on Christmas Day. Today we had her 6 month checkup. Her doctor (who was mine as a child and until I turned 18 and she made me go to a "big girl" doctor) said she is perfect. Yes, "perfect". That's what she said! Of course, I agree. She is 17 lbs, 26.5 in., landing in the 50th percentile for both areas. She is in the 75th percentile for head size....bless her heart she has a big head like her Poppy and the rest of the Phillips clan. Hey, big head=big brain. I'm not complaining. Her doctor said to go ahead and start baby proofing because she will be cruising by the next time we see her at the 9 month checkup. She also said to get ready for that next tooth to pop through any day now.

As soon as we got home from our visit, MollyKate crawled for the first time. I thank the Lord for His consistent favor on my family. Daniel has been on the floor almost every night trying to show MK how to crawl. He has told my mom and I not to put her on the floor when he isn't home so that she wouldn't crawl for the first time without him there to see it. While of course he was kidding, he was secretly praying on the inside she didn't crawl and him miss it. Daniel was home today when she crawled and he got to witness the entire thing. God is so so good.

-Aubrey is in Preschool now and doing just great. She loves school and is making sweet little friends there. I could not be happier with the school we chose. She finished up soccer this Fall and is already asking when it is time to play again. Currently she is in swim lessons and is doing very well at that too. She is a little fish that loves the water. She will play tee ball in the Spring which I am very excited about. She is in Awanas at church and just got her first 3 badges. If you don't know about it, Awanas is what the children at church go to on Wednesday nights. Every week she has to memorize a verse to recite to her teacher. If she does it, and has good attendance, she gets a badge to put on her vest. She is beyond proud of herself and her badges. That girl has an anointing on her and it is humbling to have a 4 year old increase my desires for the Lord. She is also in choir on Sunday nights and her first little production is coming up in the Spring. Some have accused us of keeping her too busy, but I don't know any different. Kids need to be active and involved in activities to learn about what they like and dislike. Where better to do that than at church?

Life is very busy around here but I wouldn't have it any other way. The Lord consistently has His hand on my family and shows His grace on us. I will update more about my other resolutions in my next post. Here's to 2013!