A step mom is*:
- A responsibility. Obviously being a parent is a huge responsibility. Being a step mom is an even bigger job. You are to love this child in your home as your own that in fact is not your own. You are expected to care for her and love her and do for her as you would your own child. If something is needed, you are expected to step in and step up. If, God forbid, something happens to their biological parent, you step up and do what is needed. You do the laundry, cook, clean up their rooms, teach them manners, get them to where they need to be, make their lunches, worry about them, make sure they are in church, arrange play dates, spend your money on them, discipline them, and love them just as if they are your very own child.
-Sacrificing. When I married Daniel, I knew that he and Aubrey were a package deal. If I didn't want to be a step mom, I wouldn't have married him. I CHOSE this life. I have put my career on hold, my dreams, the life I wanted, because of certain situations that have occurred in the past 6 months. I have sacrificed money to make sure Aubrey has new clothes as she grew like a weed this summer, to pay for us to do things, gas to take her places, etc. I have sacrificed time to take her places, spent time doing school work every day so that she continues to learn, gone over Bible verses, read books, made sure she is at soccer, choir, church, and school on time.
-Tough. Or you could say strong. Us step moms put up with a lot. Everyone has an opinion and they are sure to share it. When you have your own kids, you can parent them how you want and if someone doesn't agree with it, they keep their mouth shut. Not the case as a step parent. For some reason, people think they have free reign to critique everything you say and do with your step child.
-Under appreciated. No matter what you do, there are always complaints. Enough said.
-Secure. You have to be secure with yourself to be a step parent. You have to be able to weather the critiques, the rudeness, the belittling, the unappreciativness, etc. and still press on.
-Not a replacement mother. Obviously I am aware I didn't give birth to Aubrey. I've given birth and I know it was only once. I do not attempt to be Aubrey's mom, however I do strive to be there for her just like I will be for Molly Kate. I love her with a special place in my heart and always will. I will always be there for her, to be her friend, her confidant, and anything else she needs me to be. Every girl has a special bond with her mother- I am a mother to a precious little girl, so this I am aware of. I can never take Aubrey's bond with her mother away from her, but she will ALWAYS know that I am next in line to pick her up when she needs it.
Before you critique a step parent, before you choose to complain or bicker over the small things, look at the BIGGER picture. Is it really worth it? Is someone who isn't the parent of your child making sacrifices that THEY DON'T HAVE TO to love your child? Is your baby happy, well adjusted, learning new things, do they always look presentable, do they love their step parent? Then consider letting it go. At the end of the day, it is all about the child, isn't it?
*Not all step moms are the above. I am not by ANY means bragging on myself, but I took it upon myself the second Aubrey came into my life, to love her as I have described above. Many stepparents treat their stepchild very differently than their own child. I NEVER wanted to be that way. I want Aubrey to always know I love her just like I love my Molly Kate. I have sacrificed for her like I will as Molly Kate comes along. I don't expect a thank you anymore; all I ask for is an ounce of respect. I am NOT a nanny or a babysitter. I am a step MOM.
